Selfish

Today has been an odd day, at my weigh in last night I lost 7lb, yey!!!! Not bad for my first week ;) mum and I agreed when we started we'd do something nice each time we lost half a stone so as we also had a 50% off voucher we went to beefeater for lunch. It was nice to do something different and sit and have a chat for a while. I took a picture of my lunch (burger with onion rings, bbq sauce and spicy chips) for the photo prompt 'ordinary' as I really wish this was my ordinary lunch!

But like I said its been an odd day, really nice morning, not so nice afternoon but I'll choose to ignor it. In fact tonight I was thinking, a lot of my friends are doing a 'word for a year' thing where they pick a word and live their life by that word for 2014, such as 'resolve' or 'finish'. Well I've decided to pick 'selfish'. Ok so it sounds weird but last year I was stressed pretty much 99% of the time, and a lot of that I recognise as pressure I put on myself. If I have spare time during the day i feel guilty sitting down with a cup of tea and relaxing because I feel like I should be doing something productive for the kids or Mark. I'm not saying I'm a martyr, obviously not, but if I did something for me, JUST for me I would feel guilty as hell about it afterwards. Last year was a perfect example, I got £100 for my birthday, and what did I spend it on, Christmas gifts for the kids because I felt bad buying things for myself. Even with scrapbooking I justify that because its something they will hopefully treasure when they are older, particualy with Marks health being what it is. Well this year I'm going to give myself a break and try and not feel guilty so often. Yesterday was a great example, I had an hour before I picked the kids up from school, dinner was in the slow cooker, Mark was cuddled up on the couch watching tv with Scamp, the house was pretty much tidy and all I needed to finish was to scrub Caitlin rug from her room and hoover up. But I wanted to finish a layout I was working on the night before. So I did. I sat down with a cup of tea, watched a bit of TV and finished the layout. And I loved it :) I really enjoyed just doing something random because I felt like it. When I picked the kids up I was in a better mood than if I had rushed about all day and Caitlin could really care less if her rug was cleaned or not. Ok so most people reading this would think 'So what you sat down for a bit' but to me it was a big deal. Usually any time for me is after the kids are in bed, everyone is fed, washed, cleaning done, prep for following day done and everyone else is sorted then if I'm awake enough I get some time, during which I usually still feel guilty if I haven't used enough scraps, done an old photo which needs doing etc etc. With everything in the family, plus the kids and Marks needs being so much greater than mine I do lose myself a bit so I'm going to try and get that back and hopefully be less stressed this year :) With that in mind this is where I will be tonight. After I've picked kids up, done dinner, took Caitlin rainbows, Cameron to get his hair cut, done the shoppng, baths, bed routine of course ;)