Ok, I've been AWOL a while. To be honest things have been a bit crap. Well kinda. As most mums know when you have kids you struggle to still be a person. Theres the 'mummy Gemma' then theres just 'Gemma' and its been a LONG time since 'Gemma' existed. Honestly the last time I went out without the kids except for drs appointments or practical things was March for the Twilight retreat. And while I'm ok about it during the day, at night when the kids have gone to bed it gets me down. I honestly feel like I'm losing myself. I don't enjoy scrapping much anymore, and Mark (bless him) sold a load of his collectibles to give me £100 for my birthday. I took them all out for lunch then bought lots of toys for the kids Christmas. From that £100 I bought myself a bottle of water, I didn't even have lunch. lol. Not because I'm a selfless saint or because there was nothing I wanted (bubble bath punch comes to mind. lol) but because it just doesn't feel right buying things for myself. Theres no reason for it really. Not like the kids ever go without. Mark encourages me to go out all the time but I just don't have anyone to go anywhere with. When Mark first got sick so much of my time was taken up with caring for him and the kids (a baby and a newborn at the time) I just lost touch with them all. I did start going to a monthly crop but since crhsitmas one thing or another has come up and I've just not been back. Things came to a head on my birthday but I won't get into that as I've moaned enough really. Bottom line is I've had enough. I've got to try and get back into my hobbies and home and just get over the fact if I go out, I'm taking the kids. It's easier now they're older granted, and Caitlins starting to want to go cinema and places too, though wont't do me much good when new twilight film comes out but if needs be I'll go alone! lol. But I'll just have to accept this is my life, I'm a wife and mother and thats about it, women in the 60's did it, so can I, and it could be worse. I've just got to focus on what I do have. A loving husband and two wonderful, happy kids. :)
OK soul bared, lol, as it was nice yesterday we decided to 'clean' tha car. I say 'clean' because the kids insisted on helping, so it got about as washed as it would have done in a heavy rainstorm. lo. They had fun though and soaked everything in sight so I don't mind. :)
Love Mark in the background browsing his ebay. lol. Had a few bits ending last night so he was watching to see what they went for. Was gutted as he sold a HUGE star wars puzz 3d spaceship, took em bloody hours to build it to make sure all the bits were there and it went for £1.70. £1.70!! I think I should get a bar of chocolate and a magazine out of that. lol
Well Marks been told to force me to scrap tonight so hopefully will have some layouts to share tomorrow. :)
Don't know what to suggest Gemma (((hugs))). Would be good if you could get yourself to a local crop again - then you would be in the company of other crafty folk and could start making connections for getting out again with like minded folk. Wish I lived nearer to you as I often want to go to the cinema but have no one to go with (and not brave enough to go on my own). Luckily dear niece is into Twilight so at least I get to see those films on the big screen if I buy her ticket for her LOL!!
ReplyDeleteI go through phases where I don't fancy crafting - I am in one of those phases at the moment so must send big apologies that I haven't done your twilight challenge yet - maybe next weekend I will fancy doing some especially as R is on nights all weekend. I look forward to seeing what you create this evening - maybe make some cards if you don't fancy scrapping.
Hugs
Karen x
Aww Gemma ((hugs)). You know I'm only down the road feel free to drop me a text whenever you feel down even if its just to say hi I dont mind xxxx
ReplyDeletebless you gemma, you really arent alone honey with the feeling of yourself disappearing! i've felt like that for a very long time, i'm slowly coming out the other side though, slowly!!!
ReplyDeletemy mojo comes and go's more than childhood sicknessess! lol
remember the crop is always there even if you can only manage once in a while :) xxx